On March 6th before things got real and the big C really reared its ugly head, I wrote a piece titled, “Corona Oddities in Japan“ A month to the day it is now a very different time. Shit has gotten real everywhere, but that does not stop life from being odd and even funny if you pay attention. Actually, even if you don’t pay attention sometimes it’s thrust into your world whether you like it or not.
I will be doing a series of postings this week with topics related to the oddness of life in surreal times. These are all true and occurred within the last month.
It may be hard for many of you to find humor right now. If you open yourself up, it may make this time a bit more bearable.
Well on we go …
MAN PEE CAR
Imagine you are riding your bike enjoying a nice crisp spring morning with a perfectly clear deep blue sky, the opposite of your plain cream colored ceiling. Having been cooped up for so long inside, with sun on your face and fresh air in your lungs there is hope.
Coming upon a long line of twenty or so cars at a stop light, rather than maneuver your way around, you hop up on the sidewalk and whizz past those gas guzzlers.
A wise choice.
About six car lengths away from the stop light, out of the corner of your eye you see a car door fling violently open. Had you chosen the maneuvering option, the door would have surely taken you out. Grateful for the smart decision, there is still the violent door opening to contend with asking yourself, “Why did that happen?”
Ask and ye shall receive.
The answer comes in a visual, one that you will forever be unable to erase from your psyche for the rest of your life. With the door fully flung, a man barrel rolls out slamming his face onto the concrete curb.
Well out of harms way, you swerve anyway because of the bizarre scene you have just witnessed. Looking over your shoulder you slow down to a near standstill to watch it unfold. Being in your home for so long, you welcome any kind of real-life drama that grabs your attention like that. Besides, it has got to have a good ending.
Now stopped on your bike, and three car lengths away, just far enough to get a bike running start if the guy now getting up happens to be wielding a knife. He doesn’t and you let your survival instinct guard down just a little to watch. Now on his feet, you are unable to get a look at his features right away. The barrel roller is shaking his head back and forth, slowly at first, then a few times faster, as if trying to shake his cranium back to its proper place.
Evidence of the slam, a stream of blood picks up speed turning into a small river from his temple where the obvious impact had occurred. Now that the head has stopped shaking, you notice the wild-eyed look and over-sized forehead framed by his long unkempt matted black hair now sticking to his temple region like glue thanks to the blood.
Mr. Johnson I presume
This is far too much drama for one to witness after self-quarantining for five days. With most of that drama occurring around his head, you failed to notice the rest of his body, specifically the exposed part below the waist. That’s right! Mr. Roller’s pants are down around his knees with an exposed Mr. Johnson enjoying the same sunlight that had offered hope to you a few minutes earlier.
Aghast at the site of such public indecency knowing in some of those cars are families, you scream, “Put your damn pants on!” Either ignoring you or too off his rocker to notice your civic duty announcement, he bends over as if waiting for the doctor to ask him to cough. When in fact, he is trying to reach for his pants and pull them up. Losing balance he falls over and begins to squirm like an oversized maggot.
Disgusted at such a sight, you turn your head away for a reprieve, knowing full well you will turn around to watch the climax. Looking back over, he has worked his way to his feet again and given up on getting his pants to their proper place. He is now penguin waddling to the nearby bushes while holding on to that Son of John.
Then it dawns on you, he simply has to drain said Johnson, take a leak, pee, go to the bathroom.
MAN – A man has to take a PEE – and is unable to do it in the CAR. Having waited to the last minute he jumped out of the car when he had the chance. In his panic he rushed out of the car only to lose his balance from his pants being around his ankles causing him to fall and hit his head. Now dizzy and concussed he lost all shame with a focus only on the task in his hand.